Here is my story and journey which I hope it helps someone out there
I was the scapegoat of my family. I am the eldest granddaughter of a South Asian family, if that makes things clearer. I was the sensitive child, the truth teller, the one who never laughed along to all their toxic "jokes" as a kid.
Growing up, that triggered many family members. In my country, I grew up mainly with the extended family on my mother's side. The rest and good relatives were in a different country altogether, and we would rarely meet as I got older.
So unfortunately, I had no way to contact them other than through the narcissists. It becomes a blessing if you have at least one family member on your side who is safe. At the moment, that is very hard to find for me due to my family size.
Unfortunately, my extended family had also been scapegoating me with my parents. I vividly remember the living room moments where it would be gang bullying. However, that wasn't even as bad as what I experienced later in life.
Deeper context
For context, I have an overt malignant narcissist father and a covert narcissist mother. I only realised my mother was covert midway through educating myself about this type of abuse, since her techniques were more subtle and under the radar.
I came to understand that her role as the 'saviour' to my abusive father was actually just another part of the act.
She was the most manipulative out of them all, as I used to think she was on my side. She would act like a humble, mature person to the outside world, but the older I got, the more I realised that was purely a mask.
It hurt even more than when I realised I had a narcissist as a dad. He was more obvious.
The scapegoat child and black sheep
Anyway, the older I got the more I was called names such as "experiment child", "mute", "dead to us", "disgrace to the bloodline", "broken", "mentally ill", and the list goes on. I was under some fog as I deep down knew they were more toxic and stricter than other people who had strict parents, I just couldn't put my finger on it yet.
Rather than explaining everything regarding narcissism, whoever is reading this would be reading it because they might relate, so just to give more context, they would do every single trick in the playbook.
Twist my reality, coercive control, financial abuse, psychological abuse, isolation, destruction of my autonomy and choices, gang bullying, scapegoating, triangulation, threats (they were insane), manipulation, gaslighting, sadism, and the list goes on.
I ended up having such a high threshold for such toxic behaviour, which I would realise when I encountered such people at a young age. Others would also wonder how I remained so calm and unmoved.
The turning point
Finally, I put my finger on it — they are narcissists. When that moment happened, it felt like I had discovered a whole realm and reality that the majority of people are still blinded by the fog. It felt like I was awake whilst everyone else was asleep, to some extent.
It all began during May 2024, shortly after Ramadan (keep this date in mind). I was listening to a durus on a kitab I was studying, when suddenly my heart stopped.
This was my awakening. I couldn't breathe for what felt like 30 seconds. As much as I tried to get my breath back, it literally felt helpless, like I was going to die. I felt in that moment that I wanted to go to the unseen just to bring my breath back.
Then Allah let me breathe again and I was just frozen in shock. It felt like a slap to my face — that I couldn't even control when death comes. Even though I knew it deep down, it felt like a literal near-death experience. It made me realise that if I had died in that moment, I would have regretted wasting my life bending for both narcissist parents.
I regained control
Since then, I decided I needed to take my life back, since I realised truly that if it happened again, I would regret wasting a single moment of my life over his creation.
I would constantly imagine myself trying to make excuses, but what excuse would be valid for the fact I wasted my life for these people who were not even Allah? Rather, I was giving my autonomy to them as if they were the ones I was living for. It's when it all clicked.
And I began my intensive isolation period during my final year of university, as I spent most of my time escaping from them by staying at university. Therefore, it gave me a benefit in developing myself.
Over the upcoming six months, I became a new person, as it was the HARDEST transformation trying to relearn everything, building my emotional intelligence from scratch only by using social media and self-development coaches.
I would always be the person who never needed other people's help, as I always somehow managed to do things easily by myself, so that made me self-reliant from a young age. Alhamdulillah.
The Lead-up
Eventually, I learnt about narcissism, and that period was the HARDEST part of my life as well.
It was all in a span of a year, constantly self-educating myself on narcissism day in and day out, and whilst dealing with real-life case studies, it made me become stronger and stronger.
I slipped many times; it felt like I started from zero sometimes. However, persistent dua to Allah with regards to this was the catalyst that helped me get through it fast.
In October 2024, something bad happened. Now that I was educated, it hurt differently. Eventually, in January, I went through a severe event regarding my Niqab.
It's when I then got the desire to move out. Suddenly, all the conditioning reappeared, like: "Is it halal to do that?", "But what about marriage?", "I'm a girl though", "But it's so odd for me in an Asian family", "Will Allah be mad?" — all these things I had to work through myself.
However, Allah does not honour abusive parents, nor does He say we must sacrifice our whole life for our parents' egos and enjoyment whilst their own child is dysregulated.
Fleeing from abuse is not limited to partners. Familial abuse is something that is hidden under the rug, but it is even worse in my opinion. If I stayed, I would have had to surrender my whole life like a puppet to them — who wouldn't regret that on the Day of Judgment?
Eventually, I got through it. Mainly, it was due to a lot of the resources online, e.g. TikTok narcissist-specialised coaches/therapists, YouTube, and books regarding narcissism.
But during that intense year, I was fixing my self-worth and educating myself. The events only got worse and worse. It got worse before it got better. The abuse became so unbearable, I was looking everywhere to plan my escape. I began moving my items to somewhere safe slowly.
When I broke down
In Ramadan, I begged Allah to help me to leave, etc. I ended up developing severe trauma, CPTSD; I began becoming extremely nauseous, experiencing destructive anxiety around them both, panic attacks, heart palpitations, light-headedness, chronic fatigue, functional freeze, and lost my appetite.
My gut took on so much stress I felt like my organs were shutting down and my body was going to explode. I couldn't shower for WEEKS; there was so much more.
I eventually, near the end, became suicidal a couple of times. That is when it felt like the final push — my plan of getting a job and leaving. I couldn't do that; it became impossible to stay a day longer.
I was being threatened; they would plot and scheme my downfall. They would provoke me to cry and then gain sadistic pleasure from it and sleep like a baby.
All of this, and how they were claiming to want to marry me off to someone to "fix me," with a whole bunch of life-threatening threats.
I couldn't stand it. It just kept getting worse, repeating over and over for hours, yelling at me whilst I would dissociate and preventing me from leaving the rooms. They would do it EVERY DAY; it felt like I was in the deepest of trenches.
Due to this, I couldn't even muster any energy to resort to my Islamic studies, which I would usually use as my remedy. I felt like the lowest I had EVER been in my ʾemān. It was literally spiritual warfare to the point it infiltrated my deen.
They were both religious narcissists as well, and that hurt more than anything else when I realised this. No contact was the only option I had in mind after I left, as they literally abolished me.
I had to leave
My breakdown began in May 2024, shortly after Ramadan. Exactly a year later, in May 2025, on the same day it all started, I escaped — SubhanAllah. I would explain my final day there, but it is just too heavy.
I ended up taking an offer given to me, which I kept private. Then I went to a shelter/refuge in a different city altogether, as they ended up rallying whoever they could against me.
They used to recruit a lot of flying monkeys and people to hoover me back in, massive smear campaigns, and I never knew I was that traumatised until I left.
I became even more traumatised due to the post-abuse (from those flying monkeys and enablers). I couldn't even trust anyone anymore; I isolated myself from everyone who could possibly be dangerous and only kept in contact with a few friends.
Dreadful process after leaving, and resetting
I remember I felt so scared about having left the house. I was extremely hypervigilant. My body ended up going through a detoxing process; eventually, my mind cleared, the narcissist abuse fog lifted, and I was finally able to get energy again.
I used to sleep A LOT. I eventually recovered my appetite; it was a long and dreadful process in the first few weeks after separating from my parents.
I used to be extremely worried about going no contact with them, but I did. I always knew that any further contact with a narcissist would only give them a chance to infiltrate and ambush you again.
It was impossible to remain in contact with a narcissist. Low contact was impossible for me due to what was happening after I left; they got worse. If I had kept in contact with them after I left, it would have just been pointless for me even to have left. Due to the severity of what I've been through, I had no choice but to go no contact.
It was difficult at first: A LOT of grieving, a lot of cognitive dissonance, an aching feeling of loneliness, but thankfully it gets better if you have a foundation of self-love. I promise you, it gets better.
Dealing with feelings of guilt
It felt very weird when people would ask if I'd contact them again in the future and say things like, "Hopefully they realise now and they would regret it," or "Hopefully you can contact them in the future without them using manipulation." It triggered the cognitive dissonance.
However, I realised many people don't understand how you just cannot contact a narcissist when you leave (based on my situation).
It felt so wrong of me to do that (cutting contact) because most people would just tolerate abuse. They do not understand the issue of narcissistic abuse and how prevalent it is. Because of how common narcissism is in ethnic households, it becomes very difficult for others to grasp.
What validated me and gave me the strength to go no contact was the article 'cutting contact with abusive parents'. It made me see that no contact is justified when the abuse greatly harms your health, when there has been deep betrayal, and when it pushes you towards suicidal thoughts.
It just was impossible for me to remain in contact; it would only give them a crack in the door to flood lovebomb their way back and eventually restart the cycle.
That's all narcissists know; they don't change. That took me a while to radically accept. They don't change. They just change their "tactics" — it's still the same evil, just in a different mask this time.
Umm Hurayrah’s Closing Message
I tried to keep this focused on the main points and helpful. I hope this helped anyone else out there. I strongly recommend that you use TikTok or social media with regards to narcissistic abuse, coaches or PhD therapists specialising in narcissism, and the like, as they would be your main support system at your fingertips during your journey.
Reddit support groups are also gems. But mainly, make a lot of dua to Allah; that was like my catalyst to get through the trenches easier. It became clearer the more Allah was guiding me through.
May Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ ease your situation if you are going through something similar. You are not alone. There are many of us out here.