Abusive parents

1. Encouraging change through kindness

Firstly, you should encourage your parents to change their behavior. This can be done by being extra kind to them. Buy your mother some flowers, help your father with groceries, and get him things he likes.

This way, you may change their attitude toward you. Speak soft words and give genuine compliments whenever you can.

Pray for them, so that they may change their behavior toward you. Show them you are well-intentioned and hope that they will find success both in this life and the next.

So basically, be extra kind to the point that they start reflecting on their actions toward you. Bear in mind that not all parents will change because of your kindness. Rather, many may take it as a weakness and abuse you further, as they believe kindness means you will allow them to walk all over you.

However, kindness is pure, and Allah loves purity. He encourages us to be kind whenever we can and to be respectful in our behavior.

Kindness should not be confused with having no boundaries or being a pushover. It should be coupled with strong boundaries, or else people could take advantage of you.

2. Demanding change through firmness

The next step would be to be firm and demand change from your parents. This can be done in multiple ways.

At this stage, you should clearly communicate your complaints about their behavior toward you. This should be done in a respectful way, so that they do not feel attacked.

Involve the local Imam and share your story with him. He may speak with your parents about their abusive behavior, which could induce change in them.

When it comes to your health and well-being, you should protect them at all costs. These are your most precious possessions. You have the right Islamically to protect yourself, even against your own parents. Ignore the advice of "staying patient"—instead, take action and strive toward a better situation for yourself.

Another way to demand change is to send them Islamic reminders warning them about their abusive behavior.

If they do not listen or change their ways, then you can make life a bit easier by engaging in hobbies, journaling, spending time with friends, and so on. This will temporarily distract you from the discomfort your abusive parents are causing.

It can also create space for you to plan ahead and think of ways to get yourself into a safer environment.

3. Seperation

Sometimes, people will simply not change, even when you are kind to them, respect them, or give them time. Such people need to see consequences for their behavior in order to wake up.

Separating from your abusive parents is a powerful way to create urgency in changing the way they treat you.

It puts them in a situation where they have no other choice but to change. Now that they see there are consequences to their actions, they may begin to take you more seriously.

But keep in mind that not all parents will change. Some may simply play the victim and blame you for everything that is wrong.

Some parents may also try to bribe you or make you feel guilty for separating, which can draw you back into the abusive environment. So you should be careful and remind yourself that the separation was necessary to protect yourself from their abuse.

Their manipulation tactics may worsen, as their goal becomes to draw you back in without changing their behavior. That way, they can avoid taking responsibility, which makes things easier for them.

If you are serious about your health and well-being, you will not be easily manipulated by their tactics.

There are many options for separating from your parents. You could involve social services and get help with housing and financial support. If you are a student, you can apply for student accommodation and financial aid.

It becomes a bit more difficult if you are a minor who is not studying yet. However, even in that case, it is possible if you involve child protection services. Explain your situation and how you would like to be helped.

If you have a job and can sustain yourself, there are many places where you can live temporarily, even if that is in a different city or country.

وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُۥ مَخْرَجًۭا
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ ۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُۥٓ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بَـٰلِغُ أَمْرِهِۦ ۚ قَدْ جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدْرًۭا And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.
[65:2-3 Quran]

Even when you feel stuck and cannot see a way out of the abusive situation you are in, know that Allah is capable of all things. He provides a way out for those who are mindful of Him and seek His help.

However, we must remind ourselves that we also have a responsibility. We cannot remain idle and simply hope for the best; action is necessary for change to happen.

It is more difficult for daughters to move out than it is for sons. That is because there exists a taboo around girls moving out before marriage.

Know that even as a daughter, you can still move out Islamically without having to marry first, as your safety is more important.

Waiting for marriage to be "saved" is not doing marriage justice, as it is not meant to be a way out, but rather a relational commitment you choose when you are ready—both physically and emotionally.

It may actually be a bad idea to marry while being abused by your parents, as they may choose someone for you just to keep you under their control.

Distancing yourself from your parents sends a clear message that you no longer tolerate abuse.

Sometimes, there is no other option but to separate from your parents in order to safeguard your health and well-being.

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، أَنَّ سَالِمًا، أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ الْمُسْلِمُ أَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ، لاَ يَظْلِمُهُ وَلاَ يُسْلِمُهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ فِي حَاجَةِ أَخِيهِ كَانَ اللَّهُ فِي حَاجَتِهِ، وَمَنْ فَرَّجَ عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ كُرْبَةً فَرَّجَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرُبَاتِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ، وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"‏‏.‏ The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection." [Sahih Bukhari 2442]

Some people go against this understanding by telling the victim to remain with their oppressor and simply be patient. This not only contradicts Islamic teachings but also goes against our natural inclination to help those in need.

When you have distanced yourself from your parents, maintaining some level of contact is still required. This is because preserving family ties is obligatory in Islam.

You should reach out to them every once in a while, as long as it remains reasonable for you and the relationship you have with your parents.

It is not required of you to contact them regularly, especially if doing so undermines your health and well-being—given the reality that your parents are abusive.

Cutting ties with your parents by going completely no contact is impermissible and considered a major sin—unless they have deeply traumatized you, betrayed you horribly, or caused wounds so severe that maintaining contact becomes impossible.

Distancing yourself from your parents—physically or emotionally—is meant to bring about change in how they treat you. It is not meant to be a long-term strategy. When it becomes long-term, it indicates that your parents are unwilling to change for the better, which shows a lack of care and love for their children.

It also reveals their true nature, as they may only care about themselves and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. When this is the case, know that you may be dealing with parents who have caused you deep trauma.

Distancing yourself may do nothing to such parents except give them an opportunity to use it against you—to induce guilt and make you feel like the evildoer.

Cutting ties with such narcissistic parents might be the only path forward, as they often lack genuine shame and are unlikely to change. It can also give you a sense of justice after all the abuse and trauma you have endured.

4. Seek support

Distancing yourself from your parents might be the biggest trial in life. It is very devastating to one’s sense of self-worth and it shatters trust.

That is why support becomes essential in cases like this. Seek support from close friends, trusted individuals, and counselors.

We are here to help you go through this big trial, support you along the way, and guide you through Islamic counseling.

You do not need to go through this alone—but it is entirely up to you how you would like to face this journey.

Safeguarding yourself from your parents might make you feel guilty for going against them, but know that Allah is the Most Just. He would never command you to remain in an abusive environment—doing so would be dishonoring and cruel.

Never forget the power of du‘a, especially when you place your trust in Allah. Many things can change for the better through His help.

However, we should not rely on du‘a alone without taking action. That is not how Allah brings about change. True change begins when we take the first step toward it.

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ اتَّقِ دَعْوَةَ المَظْلُومِ فَإِنَّهَا لَيْسَ بَيْنَهَا وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ حِجَابٌ The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Beware the supplication of the oppressed, for there is no barrier between it and Allah." [Sahih Bukhari 2442]

Forgiveness is a choice, not an obligation

Allah has never obligated anyone to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, especially after one has been betrayed or harmed.

When it comes to parents, you may feel pressured to forgive them for what they have done. People often say, “They raised you, fed you, gave you shelter,” and more. But these were your rights — not favors.

Parents made the decision to have children, fully aware of the responsibilities that would come with that choice.

Victims of parental abuse are often made to feel indebted simply because their basic needs were met. But they are not. These needs were their right, not privileges granted to them.

You owe your parents when they have honored you, respected you, supported you, and stayed loyal by not causing you harm or trauma.

This is why Allah commands good treatment towards parents in their old age — because of the honor and dignity with which they raised their children.

But there is no debt or obligation to your old parent when he has someone harmed you so deeply that their very presence brings pain.

Such parents lose all claim to honor. They were the source of harm, not care. It is unjust to tell victims of parental abuse that they owe their parents. No — they do not. Forgiving would be an act of generosity, not a duty.

Cutting ties with an abusive parent means ending all contact. And who would do this except someone deeply wounded and traumatized by their own parent? It is not a decision made lightly — it must be weighed with care.

But sometimes, cutting ties is the only path to safety and healing. It is the right of a victim of parental abuse to sever ties when the trauma is extreme.

What kind of honor or contact is due to a parent who raped, tortured, or severely neglected their child — physically or emotionally? Allah is just. He would never command a victim to stay in touch with their traumatizer.

Telling such a person to remain and be patient is deeply unjust. It only deepens their wounds, forcing them to endure a relationship with someone who has long forfeited the right to be in their life. This slowly makes them hate Islam, as they would believe that the religion is unjust, victim-blaming, and cruel.

Islam is none of that, as Allah is fair and the most Just. He encourages people to protect themselves from harm and abuse, just like He ordered the Prophet to migrate from Mecca to Medina, due to the abuse the believers suffered under Quraysh.

Leaving a toxic and abusive environment is actually from the Sunnah. The Prophet said one should remove the oppressed from the oppressive.

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، أَنَّ سَالِمًا، أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ الْمُسْلِمُ أَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ، لاَ يَظْلِمُهُ وَلاَ يُسْلِمُهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ فِي حَاجَةِ أَخِيهِ كَانَ اللَّهُ فِي حَاجَتِهِ، وَمَنْ فَرَّجَ عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ كُرْبَةً فَرَّجَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرُبَاتِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ، وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"‏‏.‏ The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection." [Sahih Bukhari 2442]

Many have neglected the duty taught by the Prophet (ﷺ) by returning victims of parental abuse to their abusers, insisting they still owe respect and honor to those who have caused them pain and suffering.

Would they have followed the Prophet (ﷺ), they would not have handed over the victim to the abusive parent.

Choosing to leave safeguards your health, and in doing so, it also preserves your ability to practice your faith. When your health is harmed, your capacity to worship Allah diminishes.

۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘uff,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.
[17:23 Quran]

This verse is probably the most beloved to abusive parents, as they use it to say that you must endure them because Allah says so.

How wrong, and how wicked. Their tongues do not deserve to even utter the beautiful words 'wa bil-walidayni ihsana', let alone use it to support their deception.

This verse addresses the parents in old age, who have brought up their children in honour and respect. Who did not violate their children in any way. They are honored and respected, and this is the instruction to the believers who have such parents.

If one were to say that this also applies to abusive parents, then he would be in the wrong, awfully wrong.

وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا And be humble with them (parents) out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.”
[17:24 Quran]

This verse applies to the Muslim parents. It means that the believer should be humble and obey his parents, and to be merciful with them. Just like they were merciful to him when he was young.

Abusive parents do not raise their children with mercy, rather they abuse them from start to finish. Does one really think that Allah instructs the believer to be merciful with his parents even if they physically tortured him as a young child? What mercy does such parent even deserve in that case!?

وأما قوله ( وَقُلْ رَبِّي ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا ) فإنه يقول: ادع الله لوالديك بالرحمة، وقل ربّ ارحمهما، وتعطف عليهما بمغفرتك ورحمتك، كما تعطفا عليّ في صغري، فرحماني وربياني صغيرا، حتى استقللت بنفسي، واستغنيت عنهما.
[تفسير الطبري - سورة الإسراء - الآية ٢٤]

Al-Tabari said: As for His saying: "And say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’"—it means: Pray to Allah for mercy upon your parents, and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them, and show kindness to them with Your forgiveness and mercy, just as they showed kindness to me in my childhood, had mercy on me, and raised me when I was small, until I became independent and no longer in need of them." [Tafsir al-Tabari - Surah al-Israa - Verse 24]

Al-Tabari continued on saying:

كما حدثنا بشر، قال: ثنا يزيد، قال: ثنا سعيد، عن قتادة ( وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّي ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا ) هكذا عُلِّمتم، وبهذا أمرتم، خذوا تعليم الله وأدبه، ذُكر لنا " أن نبيّ الله صلى الله عليه وسلم خرج ذات يوم وهو مادّ يديه رافع صوته يقول: مَنْ أَدْرَكَ وَالِدَيهِ أوْ أحَدَهُما ثُمَّ دَخَلَ النَّارَ بَعْدَ ذلكَ فأبْعَدَهُ الله وأسْحَقَهُ".
[تفسير الطبري - سورة الإسراء - الآية ٢٤]

Al-Tabari said: Just like Bishr narrated to us, he said: Yazid narrated to us, he said: Sa'id narrated to us, from Qatadah: "And be humble with them (parents) out of mercy, and say, 'My Lord, be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young'" This is how you have been taught, and this is what you have been commanded. Take Allah's instruction and His guidance. It was mentioned to us that the Prophet of Allah (ﷺ) once went out, stretching out his hands and raising his voice, saying: "Whoever reaches his parents, or one of them, and then enters Hellfire after that, may Allah distance him and utterly ruin him." [Tafsir al-Tabari - Surah al-Israa - Verse 24]

The Salaf Saliheen understood such verses to refer to merciful parents—those who raised their children with honor and respect.

If any Muslim has such parents, or even one of them, meaning they are present in his life, yet he still enters Hellfire despite that opportunity, then may Allah utterly ruin him. And we say 'Ameen' to that.

Such a person would have failed to seize the opportunity to enter Paradise through his good parents by treating them with kindness and respect, and in that case, he would deserve to be punished.

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍۢ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.
[31:14 Quran]

Some abusive mothers misuse this verse to justify their wrongdoing, but they are mistaken. Allah never supports oppression.

This verse calls for honoring one's good parents. A devoted mother endures hardship in bearing her child, and good parents deserve gratitude for their sincere efforts and loving care. Being grateful to them is an expression of gratitude to Allah.

Whoever distorts this verse to justify wrongdoing is cursed by Allah. Such people have no goodness in their heart, as they imply that Allah is unjust.

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حُسْنًۭا ۖ وَإِن جَـٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَآ ۚ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ We have commanded people to honour their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them. To Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.
[31:14 Quran]

Allah says that the people are ordered to honour their parents. Of course, this does not include abusive parents, because what honour do such people deserve!?

Oppressors are dishonoured by Allah, so how can this verse ever include oppressive parents? No one deserves honour if they strip away the honour of others.

The believers are ordered to honour their (good) parents, even if they were to order to associate partners with Allah. Do not obey them in that, but obey them in the halal and good things they order.

حَدَّثَنَا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ صَبَّاحٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ سَابِقٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مَالِكُ بْنُ مِغْوَلٍ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ الْوَلِيدَ بْنَ الْعَيْزَارِ، ذَكَرَ عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو الشَّيْبَانِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مَسْعُودٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ سَأَلْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَىُّ الْعَمَلِ أَفْضَلُ قَالَ ‏"‏ الصَّلاَةُ عَلَى مِيقَاتِهَا ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ ثُمَّ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ قَالَ ‏"‏ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَسَكَتُّ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلَوِ اسْتَزَدْتُهُ لَزَادَنِي‏.‏ Abdullah ibn Mas'ud narrated: I asked Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), what is the best deed?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, what is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause." I did not ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) anymore and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more. [Sahih al-Bukhari 2782]

To be good and dutiful to one's parents is a deed among the best good deeds. A Muslim is thus ordered to make this a priority if he is blessed with parents who are good to him.

An oppressor and tyrannical parent does not deserve to be treated with honour. They are dishonoured and criminals, violating the boundaries of people.

حَدَّثَنَا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ صَبَّاحٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ سَابِقٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مَالِكُ بْنُ مِغْوَلٍ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ الْوَلِيدَ بْنَ الْعَيْزَارِ، ذَكَرَ عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو الشَّيْبَانِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مَسْعُودٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ سَأَلْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَىُّ الْعَمَلِ أَفْضَلُ قَالَ ‏"‏ الصَّلاَةُ عَلَى مِيقَاتِهَا ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ ثُمَّ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ قَالَ ‏"‏ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَسَكَتُّ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلَوِ اسْتَزَدْتُهُ لَزَادَنِي‏.‏ Abu Hurayrah narrated: A man came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your father. " [Sahih Bukhari 5971]

This is a valuable Hadith emphasizing the importance of the mother in Islam. The mother, who carries the child for 9 months and breastfeeds them for 2 years. The mother, who is always there for her child, providing the best care she can. This is the good mother, filled with compassion and love in her heart.

Then there is the abusive mother, who often repeats "Ummuka, ummuka, ummuka", trying to manipulate her children into compliance, regardless of her unjust behavior and oppression. This is the mother who has no goodness, lacking gentleness and love. She does not deserve to have the child, as she continues to break every boundary.

حَدَّثَنَا الْحُمَيْدِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عُرْوَةَ، أَخْبَرَنِي أَبِي، أَخْبَرَتْنِي أَسْمَاءُ ابْنَةُ أَبِي بَكْرٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَتْ أَتَتْنِي أُمِّي رَاغِبَةً فِي عَهْدِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَسَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم آصِلُهَا قَالَ ‏"‏ نَعَمْ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَ ابْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ فَأَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى فِيهَا ‏{‏لاَ يَنْهَاكُمُ اللَّهُ عَنِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَاتِلُوكُمْ فِي الدِّينِ‏}‏ Asma bint Abu Bakr narrated: My mother came to me, hoping (for my favor) during the lifetime of the Prophet. I asked the Prophet, "May I treat her kindly?" He replied, "Yes." Ibn 'Uyaynah said, "Then Allah revealed: 'Allah forbids you not with regards to those who fought not against you because of religion, and drove you not out from your homes, that you should show them kindness and deal justly with them.' (60.8) [Sahih al-Bukhari 5978]

Treating the mother with kindness, even if she may be a disbeliever. This is how a Muslim should be, just and fair.

However, one must note that the Hadith indicates that Allah did forbid the Muslims from being close with their pagan parents during the war with Quraysh, as this was to protect their religion.

It shows that parents do not always deserve to have close relationship with. There are conditions that need to be met. They should not fight you actively because of your religion and cause you to compromise. Getting close to such parents will damage your religion, so this can be a reason to not be as close to them.

So what about a parent who harms you physically, emotionally, and psychologically by continously abusing you, calling you names, cursing you, and making your life miserable? Does Allah want you to compromise your health by being close with such a vile person? Obviously not.