Childhood is the blueprint for what an individual may become as they become older. Children brought up in chaotic homes and by abusive parents grow up to be individuals with varying issues. These adults grow up and may struggle with anxiety, depression, low self esteem, cortisol imbalances, gut health troubles, stress induced health issues, attachment issues and chronic health issues to name a few.

Women growing up in such households commonly develop depression and anxiety. With ongoing abuse, these matters of mental and physical health become a chronic problem. Not to say that male or otherwise gendered children have it easier, but in the writer’s experience, the female child suffers the most.

As adults, it’s important to seek help to heal from contorted attachment styles and the aftermath of suffering in such a home. It’s essential to find good friends, counsellors and mentors who can help one reclaim their autonomy and most of all, lend a listening ear to make you feel validated and like you exist. After all, a troubled childhood and harsh parents slowly wear down ones sense of worth and being “seen”.

In our deen, the Quran states that there will be a day when no parent will be an ally to one another - that is the Day of Judgement. However, it can also be seen as a prediction for how most familial relationships will be in this “dunya”. Alongside good support and therapy, it’s essential for one to stay very close to their deen and fortify their relationship with Allah, especially if the abuse is on going.

It’s never easy for such adults to navigate their place in the world, but with the right company and choices, it becomes easier to disconnect from the abuse and reclaim power.

Written by Laylah

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