Cutting family ties

Islam about cutting family ties

Islam places great importance on maintaining family ties, as emphasized throughout the Quran and Sunnah. Strengthening relationships with family is regarded as one of the most virtuous deeds, while severing those ties without a valid reason is considered among the gravest of sins.

But those who break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever that (family ties) which Allah has ordered to be joined and spread corruption on earth - for them is the curse, and they will have the worst abode.
[13:25 Quran]

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "The person who severs family ties will not enter Paradise." [Sahih al-Bukhari 5984]

The significance of family ties in Islam is so profound that they are frequently mentioned alongside Tawheed.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "I have been sent to preserve the family ties, to reject the idols and to invite to the Oneness of Allah." [Sahih Muslim 832]

A Muslim must maintain ties with all of his blood relatives:

• Parents
• Grandparents
• Uncles and aunts
• Sons and daughters
• Half siblings and full siblings
• Nephews and nieces
• Female and male cousins

The nature and level of interaction with each blood relative may differ, and this is completely natural. Not every family member will share the same degree of closeness, but every relative should maintain a relationship that reflects the bond of kinship and preserves family ties.

With non-mahram cousins, maintaining family ties is achieved through exchanging salam, showing kindness and respect, and communicating when there is a genuine need, while observing the Islamic guidelines regarding interaction between non-mahrams.

The exceptions of cutting family ties

Although maintaining family ties is a fundamental obligation in Islam, there are exceptional circumstances in which cutting off a relative is permissible.

1. When doing so serves a legitimate religious purpose, such as protecting one's faith or disciplining a relative who persists in openly committing major sins or innovations after sincere advice has been rejected.
2. When maintaining the relationship would expose a person to serious harm, such as a genuine threat to their life, safety, or to their physical or psychological well-being.

There is a consensus regarding these two exceptions:

وَأَجْمَعَ الْعُلَمَاءُ عَلَى أَنَّهُ لَا يَجُوزُ لِلْمُسْلِمِ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلَاثٍ إِلَّا أَنْ يَكُونَ يَخَافُ مِنْ مُكَالَمَتِهِ وَصِلَتِهِ مَا يُفْسِدُ عَلَيْهِ دِينَهُ أَوْ يُوَلِّدُ (بِهِ) عَلَى نَفْسِهِ مَضَرَّةً فِي دِينِهِ أَوْ دُنْيَاهُ فَإِنْ كَانَ ذَلِكَ فَقَدْ رُخِّصَ لَهُ فِي مُجَانَبَتِهِ وَبُعْدِهِ وَرُبَّ صَرْمٍ جَمِيلٍ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُخَالَطَةٍ مُؤْذِيَةٍ (قَالَ الشَّاعِرُ ... إِذَا مَا تَقَضَّى الْوُدُّ إِلَّا تَكَاشُرًا ... فَهَجْرٌ جَمِيلٌ لِلْفَرِيقَيْنِ صَالِحُ)
[التمهيد - ابن عبد البر - الجزء ٦ - الصفحة ١٢٧]

Ibn Abdul-Barr said: “The scholars are unanimous that it is not permissible for a Muslim to cut off another Muslim for more than three days, except if he fears that communicating with him or maintaining contact would corrupt/harm his religion or cause him harm in his worldly affairs. In such a case, he is permitted to keep his distance and avoid him. And sometimes a proper severance is better than harmful interaction. As the poet said: ‘When connection no longer remains except in the form of hostility, then a graceful separation is best for both parties.’” [Al-Tamheed - Ibn 'Abdul-Barr - Volume 6 - Page 127]

A relative who negatively affects your religion, openly commits major sins, or is an innovator may become a source of harm to your faith. In such cases, distancing yourself from them or cutting ties may be permissible if it serves to protect your religion.

The scholars have also permitted this as a form of reprimand when a Muslim relative refuses sincere advice, but only when there is a reasonable expectation that it will lead to a positive outcome, such as the person repenting and correcting their ways.

• Those who engage in immoral behaviour openly
• Persistent thieves
• Those who abandon prayer or are consistently neglectful of it
• Those who are not upon Ahl al-Sunnah
• Those who engage in deception and cheating
• Those who show strong dislike towards the Sunnah
• Alcoholics or drug addicts who refuse to change

It remains obligatory to maintain ties with non-Muslim family members. However, if their influence becomes so harmful that even maintaining a limited relationship cannot protect your religion, then cutting ties becomes permissible to protect your religion.

It is also permissible to distance yourself from severely toxic relatives, including parents, when maintaining ties consistently results in serious harm to your well-being, or when their actions have caused a significant breach of trust to the extent that they lose the right to continued access to your life.

• Those who practise black magic against you with harmful intent
• Those who physically harm you, causing injuries or leaving lasting damage
• Those who deliberately attempt to destroy your reputation
• Those who spread harmful gossip about you with the intention of causing serious hurt
• Those who reveal your deepest secrets and repeatedly betray your trust
• Those who excessively control you and treat you like a doormat