Marital intercourse without consent

• Controlling her hand and making her cook or clean (if one holds the opinion that the wife is obliged to do those things).
• Taking control over her phone and deleting people you do not like.
• Taping up her mouth whenever she utters forbidden speech or gossips.
• Tying her up for her disobedience in responding to intercourse.

[جماع القسم للنساء]
وَأَنْ لَا يَضْرِبَهَا فِي الْجِمَاعِ وَلَمْ يُفْرَضْ عَلَيْهِ مِنْهُ شَيْءٌ بِعَيْنِهِ، إِنَّمَا يُفْرَضُ عَلَيْهِ مَا لَا صَلَاحَ لَهَا إِلَّا بِهِ مِنْ نَفَقَةٍ وَسُكْنَى وَكِسْوَةٍ، وَأَنْ يَأْوِيَ إِلَيْهَا، فَأَمَّا الْجِمَاعُ فَمَوْضِعُ تَلَذُّذٍ وَلَا يُجْبَرُ أَحَدٌ عَلَيْهِ.
[كتاب الأم - الإمام الشافعي - الجزء ٥ - الصفحة ٢٠٣]

Imam Shafi'i said: [Chapter: Intercourse in the division (allocation) among his women] "It is impermissible for him to beat her during sexual intercourse, and there is no specific obligation upon him in regard to sexual intercourse. Rather, what is binding upon him are those matters without which her wellbeing is not maintained: sustenance, shelter, clothing, and that he reside with her. As for intercourse, it is a domain of mutual pleasure, and no one is to be forced into it." [Kitab al-Umm - Imam Shafi'i - Volume 5 - Page 203]

When it comes to intercourse, a husband is not required to divide it equally between his wives, as it is based on mutual desire and enjoyment, and cannot be compelled.

وَإِنَّمَا قُلْنَا يَقْسِمُ لِلرَّتْقَاءِ وَإِنْ لَمْ يَقْدِرْ عَلَيْهَا كَمَا قُلْنَا يَقْسِمُ لِلْحَائِضِ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُ جِمَاعُهَا لِأَنَّ الْقَسْمَ عَلَى السَّكَنِ لَا عَلَى الْجِمَاعِ أَلَا تَرَى أَنَّا لَا نُجْبِرُهُ فِي الْقَسْمِ عَلَى الْجِمَاعِ وَقَدْ يَسْتَمْتِعُ مِنْهَا وَتَسْتَمْتِعُ مِنْهُ بِغَيْرِ جِمَاعٍ
[كتاب الأم - الإمام الشافعي - الجزء ٥ - الصفحتان ٢٠٤-٢٠٥]

Imam Shafi'i said: "We say that he must divide time (equally) even for the woman with an imperforate hymen (a medical condition that prevents intercourse), regardless of the fact that she is unable to provide intercourse, just as we say he must divide for the menstruating woman, even though intercourse with her is not permissible — because the division of time is about residence (or time spent), not about intercourse. Do you not see that we do not compel him, in division, to have intercourse? And he may enjoy her and she may enjoy him without intercourse." [Kitab al-Umm - Imam Shafi'i - Volume 5 - Page 204-205]

And this is correct. He said that one cannot be forced into intercourse, as consent is required for it in order to achieve mutual pleasure.

Anyone who reads the statements of Imam Shafi'i would understand that this also applies to the wife. She is not to be constrained into intercourse whenever she refuses, as mutual pleasure cannot be achieved in that. And Imam Shafi'i said 'Intercourse is a domain of mutual pleasure, and no one is to be forced into it.'

Imam Shafi'i emphasised good treatment to women, and he said a husband cannot harm his wife in Islam.

وَقَدْ أَمَرَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى بِالْإِمْسَاكِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَالتَّسْرِيحِ بِالْإِحْسَانِ وَنَهَى عَنْ الضَّرَرِ وَطَلَاقُ الْحَائِضِ ضَرَرٌ عَلَيْهَا
[كِتَابُ الأُمِّ - الإِمَامُ الشَّافِعِيُّ - الْجُزْءُ ٥ - الصَّفْحَةُ ١٩٣]

Imam Shafi'i said: "And Allah, Exalted is He, has commanded keeping [one’s wife] with kindness and releasing [her] with good treatment, and He has forbidden harm. Divorcing a woman while she is menstruating is harmful to her." [Kitab al-Umm - Imam Shafi'i - Volume 5 - Page 193]

Now, if divorcing a woman while she is menstruating is harmful, then how about throwing yourself upon your wife!?

The latter is even more harmful, and no one disputes this except a stubborn person who wants to fulfill his wicked desires.

Would such people ever encourage their own mother or sisters to be treated like that? No, they would be the first to become angry at whoever does such a thing to them.

It is dishonoring and cruel to have intercourse with your wife without her consent. As for when she refuses without valid excuse, the husband should kindly advise her, then not share the bed with her, then lightly hit her.

Having intercourse without her consent is humiliating, an attack at her personal boundaries, and devestating to her honor.

[بَابٌ الْحَالُ الَّتِي تَجِبُ فِيهَا النَّفَقَةُ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ.] [مَسْأَلَةٌ الْمَرْأَةُ تَسْتَحِقُّ النَّفَقَةَ عَلَى زَوْجِهَا بِشَرْطَيْنِ]
وَلَنَا، أَنَّ النَّفَقَةَ تَجِبُ بِالتَّمْكِينِ مِنْ الِاسْتِمْتَاعِ، وَلَا يُتَصَوَّرُ ذَلِكَ مَعَ تَعَذُّرِ الِاسْتِمْتَاعِ، فَلَمْ تَجِبْ نَفَقَتُهَا، كَمَا لَوْ مَنَعَهُ أَوْلِيَاؤُهَا مِنْ تَسْلِيمِ نَفْسِهَا، وَبِهَذَا يَبْطُلُ مَا ذَكَرُوهُ، وَيُفَارِقُ الْمَرِيضَةَ، فَإِنَّ الِاسْتِمْتَاعَ بِهَا مُمْكِنٌ، وَإِنَّمَا نَقَصَ بِالْمَرَضِ، وَلِأَنَّ مَنْ لَا تُمَكِّنُ الزَّوْجَ مِنْ نَفْسِهَا، لَا يَلْزَمُ الزَّوْجَ نَفَقَتُهَا، فَهَذِهِ أَوْلَى؛ لِأَنَّ تِلْكَ يُمْكِنُ الزَّوْجُ قَهْرَهَا وَالِاسْتِمْتَاعُ بِهَا كُرْهًا.
[المغني - ابن قدامة - المجلد ٨ - الصفحة ٢٢٨]

Ibn Qudamah said: [Chapter: The Condition in Which Maintenance Becomes Obligatory Upon the Husband]
[Matter: A Woman is Entitled to Maintenance from Her Husband with Two Conditions] “And our view is that maintenance (nafaqah) becomes obligatory through the wife enabling the husband to have conjugal enjoyment. This cannot be conceived in a situation where such enjoyment is impossible, and thus her maintenance is not obligatory—just as if her guardians were to prevent her from surrendering herself (to her husband). With this, what they (those who disagree) mentioned becomes invalid. And this differs from the case of a sick woman, for conjugal enjoyment with her is still possible—only reduced due to illness. Also, because a woman who does not enable her husband to have conjugal access is not entitled to maintenance, then this case is even more so, since the husband can coerce her to give him his right of intimacy, even when she refuses." [Al-Mughni - Ibn Qudamah - Volume 8 - Page 228]

And this statement of Ibn Qudamah is also related by his nephew, Ibn Abi Umar:

ولأَنَّ مَن لا تُمَكِّنُ الزَّوْجَ مِن نَفْسِها، لا تَلْزَمُه نَفَقَتُها، فهذه أَوْلَى؛ لأَنَّ تلك يمكِنُ الزَّوجَ قَهْرُها ووطؤُها كَرْهًا
[كتاب الشرح الكبير على المقنع - ابن أبي عمر - الجزء ٩ - الصفحة ٢٥٤]

Ibn Abi Umar said: "When the woman denies sexual access to herself, she is not entitled to maintenance. The husband can coerce her to fulfill his right to intercourse, even if she refuses." [Kitab al-Sharh al-Kabir 'ala al-Muqni' - Ibn Abi Umar - Volume 9 - Page 254]

Ibn Qudamah and Ibn Abi Umar are talking about the wife refusing to have intercourse without a valid excuse. What he means by 'forcing her' is that he can actually discipline her, so that she will hopefully return to obedience of Allah.

For example, the husband can refuse the bed with his wife for three days, and after that (lightly) hit her in a way that does not leave a mark or injures her, in order to send the message that she is going against the marriage contract and the orders of Allah.

So it is allowed for him to demand his rights when she refuses to give them, and he can follow-up by disciplining her in the prescribed ways of Islam, so that she will return to what she initially agreed upon in the marriage contract and stops disobeying Allah.

This is what is meant by 'forcing', it is to make the person change his ways by taking disciplinary measures, to push the person towards giving your rights.

If after all that she still does not agree to give the husband his right of intimacy, the husband should divorce her.

So he has absolutely no right to throw himself upon his wife, and whoever does this is a criminal. Allah never included non-consensual intercourse as a means to get your right, and if there was no problem with it, then Allah would have definitely ordered it, as the point of marriage is to have intercourse in a permissible manner.

The wicked misquotations and misunderstandings of those who advocate for 'marital intercourse without consent'

And there is not a scholar from Ahl Sunnah wal-Jama'ah that believes the husband can force himself upon his wife by overpowering her physically.

Such opinions would be more suitable to Ahl Bid'ah. And even among those from them that the proponents have quoted from, they do not hold the same view as them regarding this issue.

[مَسْأَلَةٌ ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا مَا يَخَافُ مَعَهُ نُشُوزهَا]
(٥٧٤٠) مَسْأَلَةٌ؛ قَالَ: (وَإِذَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا مَا يَخَافُ مَعَهُ نُشُوزَهَا وَعَظَهَا، فَإِنْ أَظْهَرَتْ نُشُوزًا هَجَرَهَا، فَإِنْ أَرْدَعَهَا، وَإِلَّا فَلَهُ أَنْ يَضْرِبَهَا ضَرْبًا لَا يَكُونُ مُبَرِّحًا) مَعْنَى النُّشُوزِ مَعْصِيَةُ الزَّوْجِ فِيمَا فَرَضَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا مِنْ طَاعَتِهِ، مَأْخُوذٌ مِنْ النَّشْزِ، وَهُوَ الِارْتِفَاعُ، فَكَأَنَّهَا ارْتَفَعَتْ وَتَعَالَتْ عَمَّا فَرَضَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا مِنْ طَاعَتِهِ، فَمَتَى ظَهَرَتْ مِنْهَا أَمَارَاتُ النُّشُوزِ، مِثْلُ أَنْ تَتَثَاقَلَ وَتُدَافِعَ إذَا دَعَاهَا، وَلَا تَصِيرَ إلَيْهِ إلَّا بِتَكَرُّهٍ وَدَمْدَمَةٍ، فَإِنَّهُ يَعِظُهَا، فَيُخَوِّفُهَا اللَّهُ سُبْحَانَهُ، وَيَذْكُرُ مَا أَوْجَبَ اللَّهُ لَهُ عَلَيْهَا مِنْ الْحَقِّ وَالطَّاعَةِ، وَمَا يَلْحَقُهَا مِنْ الْإِثْمِ بِالْمُخَالَفَةِ وَالْمَعْصِيَةِ، وَمَا يَسْقُطُ بِذَلِكَ مِنْ حُقُوقِهَا، مِنْ النَّفَقَةِ وَالْكُسْوَةِ، وَمَا يُبَاحُ لَهُ مِنْ ضَرْبِهَا وَهَجْرِهَا؛ لِقَوْلِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى {وَاللاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ} [النساء: ٣٤] فَإِنْ أَظْهَرَتْ النُّشُوزَ، وَهُوَ أَنْ تَعْصِيَهُ، وَتَمْتَنِعَ مِنْ فِرَاشِهِ، أَوْ تَخْرُجَ مِنْ مَنْزِلِهِ بِغَيْرِ إذْنِهِ، فَلَهُ أَنْ يَهْجُرَهَا فِي الْمَضْجَعِ؛ لِقَوْلِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى: {وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ} [النساء: ٣٤] .
[المغني لابن قدامة - المجلد ٧ - الصفحت ٣١٨]

Ibn Qudamah said: [Issue: Signs appear that make one fear her disobedience (nushūz)] "If signs appear from her that cause fear of her becoming disobedient, then he should admonish her. If she shows disobedience, he may forsake her. If that deters her, then good; otherwise, he is permitted to hit her, but not in a severe manner." The meaning of nushūz is: disobeying the husband in what Allah has obligated upon her in terms of obeying him. It is derived from nashz, which means elevation or rising—so it is as if she "elevated herself" and rebelled against what Allah obligated her to do in terms of obedience. So, when signs of nushūz appear from her, such as: She becomes sluggish or reluctant, she avoids him when he calls her, she only comes to him with clear discomfort and grumbling, then he should admonish her—by reminding her of Allah, of the rights that Allah has made obligatory upon her toward her husband, the sin that results from disobedience, and the consequences—such as: The loss of her right to financial support (nafaqah) and clothing, his permitted use of forsaking and hitting, as indicated by the saying of Allah the Exalted: {And those [wives] from whom you fear nushūz – then admonish them} [An-Nisā’ 4:34]. Then, if she actually commits nushūz—meaning she disobeys him, refuses his bed, or leaves his house without permission—then he may forsake her in the bed, as Allah said: {and forsake them in bed} [An-Nisā’ 4:34]. Ibn ʿAbbās said: 'Do not share her bed.'" [Al-Mughni - Ibn Qudamah - Volume 7 - Page 318]

Ibn Qudamah makes clear that the disciplinary measures are there to deter her from being rebellious. He also explains the meaning of nushuz (rebellion), and that it is when the wife disobeys her husband, leaves the house without his permission, or to refuse intercourse without valid reason.

The husband should remind her of his rights placed by Allah. And that she loses her rights to maintenance and clothing by behaving in this type of way.

Forsaking her in bed means to not share the bed with her. So the husband would sleep in a different area of the house.

قَالَ ابْنُ عَبَّاسٍ لَا تُضَاجِعْهَا فِي فِرَاشِك. فَأَمَّا الْهِجْرَانُ فِي الْكَلَامِ، فَلَا يَجُوزُ أَكْثَرُ مِنْ ثَلَاثَةِ أَيَّامٍ؛ لِمَا رَوَى أَبُو هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - قَالَ: «لَا يَحِلُّ لِمُسْلِمٍ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلَاثَةِ أَيَّامٍ» وَظَاهِرُ كَلَامِ الْخِرَقِيِّ أَنَّهُ لَيْسَ لَهُ ضَرْبُهَا فِي النُّشُوزِ فِي أَوَّلِ مَرَّةٍ. وَقَدْ رُوِيَ عَنْ أَحْمَدَ إذَا عَصَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ زَوْجَهَا، فَلَهُ ضَرْبُهَا ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ. فَظَاهِرُ هَذَا إبَاحَةُ ضَرْبِهَا بِأَوَّلِ مَرَّةٍ؛ لِقَوْلِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى: {وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ} [النساء: ٣٤] . وَلِأَنَّهَا صَرَّحَتْ بِالْمَنْعِ فَكَانَ لَهُ ضَرْبُهَا، كَمَا لَوْ أَصَرَّتْ وَلِأَنَّ عُقُوبَاتِ الْمَعَاصِي لَا تَخْتَلِفُ بِالتَّكْرَارِ وَعَدَمِهِ، كَالْحُدُودِ وَوَجْهُ قَوْلِ الْخِرَقِيِّ الْمَقْصُودُ زَجْرُهَا عَنْ الْمَعْصِيَةِ فِي الْمُسْتَقْبَلِ، وَمَا هَذَا سَبِيلُهُ يُبْدَأُ فِيهِ بِالْأَسْهَلِ فَالْأَسْهَلِ، كَمَنْ هُجِمَ مَنْزِلُهُ فَأَرَادَ إخْرَاجَهُ.
[المغني لابن قدامة - المجلد ٧ - الصفحت ٣١٨]

Ibn Qudamah said: "As for forsaking her in speech, it is not permissible to exceed three days, because of what was narrated by Abū Hurayrah, that the Prophet ﷺ said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days.” The apparent meaning of al-Khirqī’s statement is that the husband is not allowed to hit her upon the first instance of disobedience. However, it was narrated from Imām Aḥmad that: “If a woman disobeys her husband, then he may hit her with a strike that is not severe.” The apparent meaning of this is that striking is permissible even on the first occurrence, based on the saying of Allah the Exalted: {And strike them} [al-Nisāʾ: 34]. Also, because she explicitly refused, it is then permissible for him to strike her—just like if she had persisted. Moreover, punishments are not reserved only for repeated offenses. As for the reasoning behind al-Khirqī’s statement, it is that the goal is to deter her from future disobedience, and that such matters should begin with the least severe measure, and from there to increase it—just like someone defending his home from an intruder would start with the least force and escalate when necessary." [Al-Mughni - Ibn Qudamah - Volume 7 - Page 318]

Ibn Qudamah is saying that the husband can discipline his wife when she becomes disobedient and rebellious. He can do this by forsaking her, both in bed, and outside of it, but not more than three days.

If that does not work, then the husband can resort to hitting in a non-severe manner, which does not cause injury.

He also says that the husband can either hit her as a first measure, or delay it after disciplining her with less than that, like admonish her and after that forsaking her for a maximum of three days.

وَاَلَّذِي يَدُلُّ عَلَى هَذَا أَنَّهُ رَتَّبَ هَذِهِ الْعُقُوبَاتِ عَلَى خَوْفِ النُّشُوزِ؛ وَلَا خِلَافَ فِي أَنَّهُ لَا يَضْرِبُهَا لِخَوْفِ النُّشُوزِ قَبْلَ إظْهَارِهِ.
[المغني لابن قدامة - المجلد ٧ - الصفحت ٣١٨]

Ibn Qudamah said: "What this indicates is that He (Allah) ordered these disciplinary measures based on the fear of disobedience (nushūz); and there is no disagreement that he (the husband) is not permitted to strike her merely out of fear of disobedience before it is actually exhibited." [Al-Mughni - Ibn Qudamah - Volume 7 - Page 318]

These measures are there to prevent further escalation from the wife. Without it, she will become disobedient in all aspects, and the marriage will break down because of it.

Ibn Qudamah also mentions that there is no disagreement among scholars that hitting is not allowed as a form of intimidation. Rather, he can only do this when she actually has exhibited disobedience, not before it.

It is common among abusive husbands that they hit their wives merely to intimidate them, even when the wives have done nothing to warrant such treatment. This behavior is strictly prohibited in Islam, by consensus of all scholars.

وَمَعْنَى " غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ " أَيْ لَيْسَ بِالشَّدِيدِ. قَالَ الْخَلَّالُ: سَأَلْت أَحْمَدَ بْنَ يَحْيَى عَنْ قَوْلِهِ: " ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ " قَالَ: غَيْرَ شَدِيدٍ. وَعَلَيْهِ أَنْ يَجْتَنِبَ الْوَجْهَ وَالْمَوَاضِعَ الْمَخُوفَةَ؛ لِأَنَّ الْمَقْصُودَ التَّأْدِيبُ لَا الْإِتْلَافُ. وَقَدْ رَوَى أَبُو دَاوُد، عَنْ «حَكِيمِ بْنِ مُعَاوِيَةَ الْقُشَيْرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ: قُلْت: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا حَقُّ زَوْجَةِ أَحَدِنَا عَلَيْهِ؟ قَالَ: أَنْ تُطْعِمَهَا إذَا طَعِمْتَ، وَتَكْسُوَهَا إذَا اكْتَسَيْت، وَلَا يُقَبِّحْ، وَلَا يَهْجُرْ إلَّا فِي الْبَيْتِ.» وَرَوَى عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ زَمْعَةَ، عَنْ النَّبِيِّ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - قَالَ: «لَا يَجْلِدُ أَحَدُكُمْ امْرَأَتَهُ جَلْدَ الْعَبْدِ، ثُمَّ يُضَاجِعُهَا فِي آخِرِ الْيَوْمِ وَلَا يَزِيدُ فِي ضَرْبِهَا عَلَى عَشَرَةِ أَسْوَاطٍ؛ لِقَوْلِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ -: لَا يَجْلِدْ أَحَدٌ فَوْقَ عَشَرَةِ أَسْوَاطٍ، إلَّا فِي حَدٍّ مِنْ حُدُودِ اللَّهِ.» مُتَّفَقٌ عَلَيْهِ.
[المغني لابن قدامة - المجلد ٧ - الصفحتان ٣١٨-٣١٩]

Ibn Qudamah said: "The meaning of "not severe" (غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ) is that it should not be intense. Al-Khallāl said: I asked Aḥmad ibn Yaḥyā about the statement “hitting that is not severe” (ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ), and he said: “It means: not harsh.” He must avoid hitting the face and vulnerable areas, because the purpose is discipline, not destruction. Abū Dāwūd narrated from Ḥakīm ibn Muʿāwiyah al-Qushayrī, from his father, who said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, what is the right of one’s wife over him? He said: That you feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not insult her, and to not forsake her (if nessecary) except within the house (do not disgrace her in public). And ʿAbd Allāh ibn Zamʿah narrated from the Prophet ﷺ that he said: Let none of you hit his wife like the hitting of a slave, and then have intercourse with her at the end of the day. And do not exceed ten times in hitting her, based on the statement of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ: No one should hit more than ten times except in the case of a legal punishment from the punishments of Allah. This all is agreed upon." [Al-Mughni - Ibn Qudamah - Volume 7 - Page 318-319]

The husband has no right to be cruel with his wife. He should admonish her, forsake her in bed, and lightly hit her. Hitting is the last resort, and there comes nothing after that.

Don't the proponents of 'marital intercourse without consent' see that the major scholars never said the husband can force himself upon his wife!?

If what these proponents said was correct, Ibn Qudamah would have mentioned it as a consequence of refusing intercourse, but he did not.

Ibn Qudamah is only of the view that the wife should be pushed into giving the right of her husband, through disciplinary measures such as: admonishing, forsaking, lightly hitting. That's it.

And anyone who exceeds the boundaries placed by Allah is a wrongdoer, and Allah does not like the wrongdoers.

• Physical harm: If intercourse with her husband causes her pain and physical harm.
• Menstruation: Penetration is forbidden during menstruation.
• Fear of sinning: If the intercourse leads her to sin, such as being seen in public, or engaging in anal sex.
• Not receiving her rights: She is entitled to refuse intercourse if her husband neglects his financial obligations or engages in physical or psychological abuse.
• Being prevented from her obligations: Intimacy cannot be demanded when it prevents her from fulfilling her duties, such as fasting Ramadan.

Anytime and anywhere

The wife should respond to her husband's invitation to intercourse, even when she is busy.

Of course the husband should remain reasonable and create ease for her, but she is not allowed to refrain from his invitation, nor can she observe a naafil fast without his permission.

لاَ تَصُومُ الْمَرْأَةُ وَزَوْجُهَا شَاهِدٌ يَوْمًا مِنْ غَيْرِ شَهْرِ رَمَضَانَ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِهِ The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "A woman may not fast a day - other than in the month of Ramadan - while her husband is present, except with his permission." [Sunan Tirmidhi 782 [Hasan Sahih]]

This is because the husband has the right to intercourse, and she should be available for it.

Fasting prevents intercourse, so she should ask him whether it would be okay for her to observe a naafil fast. She does not need his permission when it comes to the obligatory fast of Ramadan, or when she needs to make up missed days from it.

إِذَا الرَّجُلُ دَعَا زَوْجَتَهُ لِحَاجَتِهِ فَلْتَأْتِهِ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ عَلَى التَّنُّورِ The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come, even if she is at the oven." [Sunan Tirmidhi 1160 [Hasan Gharib]]

This Hadith shows the urgency of the husband's call to intercourse, and that the wife should respond to it, even when she is busy.

Some people advocate that the husband can force himself upon his wife by overpowering her and having "intimacy" without her consent. This is outright criminal and disgusting. They even say that she can be used in her sleep.

Intercourse is only permissible when both parties consent to it. While some women may explicitly consent to intercourse while asleep, this is highly discouraged and unusual. It cannot truly be considered full intimacy, as the woman would be unaware during the act.

If she would have not given consent, it would have been regarded as a form of sexual abuse.

The wife does not need to accept every invitation to intercourse, as there are conditions that need to be met. The husband must maintain her financially, and if he does not do this, he loses his right to intercourse.

And when the husband abuses his wife and makes her life miserable, there is nothing wrong with her refusing intercourse. It is her right in that case to refuse.

Islam is all about fairness, both spouses must fulfill each other's rights before they can make any demands.