Running away from home
You often see this scene in movies, where a person escapes from his captors and runs into the wild. This is what many people experience—but with their parents.
They often feel like captives, trapped in an abusive environment, where escaping is the only thought that keeps coming to their minds, again and again.
But is it allowed to run away from your parents? Can you leave the house without telling them anything beforehand? Can you escape?
There are different reasons why someone might want to run away from home. Here are some of the major reasons why a person might consider doing this:
- Parents who suffocate their children by controlling their every move, marriage, career, aspirations, and more.
- Parents who harm their children physically, torture them with objects, leave horrible marks, and are dangerous to be around.
- Parents who constantly ridicule their children, make belittling remarks about their appearance, push them down, bully them, and are outright cruel in their words.
In Islam, both parents and children have rights. Whenever the rights of the child are being neglected, and he or she is being abused to such an extent that the only option left to save their sanity and well-being is to leave the home, then this becomes allowed.
Many women deal with abusive fathers who are controlling, belittling, harsh, and very unjust. Such fathers reject suitors who are religious and good, which makes the woman feel helpless. Her own waliy makes her life miserable, seeking to find a suitor who would allow him to further control her life.
Such women run away from home just to escape the shackles of their fathers, who hold them captive due to their unjust behavior when it comes to marrying them off.
Some women even dealt with sexual abuse from their stepfathers, which is disgusting, and no one would have the right to tell such a victim to stay home.
Others, including both men and women are angry at their parents due to the persistent abuse they endured. They are often depressed, lost interest in life, and are deeply hurt.
Never should a child, teenager, or adult ever be told to tolerate abuse. This is not only cruel, but also very unfair. Parents do not have the right to their children when they abuse them.
Islam is all about fairness, and it does not tolerate abuse from anyone. Abusive parents are committing major sins by harming their children emotionally, mentally, physically, or sexually.
Children who experience abuse from their parents should seek safety and protection from them. They have the right to do so, and they are not ordered to stay with their abusers.
حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، أَنَّ سَالِمًا، أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " الْمُسْلِمُ أَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ، لاَ يَظْلِمُهُ وَلاَ يُسْلِمُهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ فِي حَاجَةِ أَخِيهِ كَانَ اللَّهُ فِي حَاجَتِهِ، وَمَنْ فَرَّجَ عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ كُرْبَةً فَرَّجَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرُبَاتِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ، وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ".
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection."
[Sahih Bukhari 2442]
This narration clearly shows that the oppressed should be helped to be removed from the oppression.
Telling a victim of parental abuse to stay with his abuser is un-Islamic, cruel, unfair, and immoral. Nobody should tolerate abuse, even if it comes from their own parents. Allah would never dishonor His slaves by telling them to stay abused.
Allah allowed people to migrate from oppression, which shows us that Allah is fair and the Most Just. He would never order a person to stay idle and remain being abused. The earth is broad, and one should take advantage of that by seeking safety and protection.
The Prophet and his companions were ordered to migrate to Madinah, as the situation in Makkah was very bad. Quraysh harmed the believers in Makkah, and they oppressed them. The believers then migrated to Madinah and some to Abyssinia (the name for Ethiopia in those days).
Allah could have also ordered the believers to simply remain being abused, but He did not. Why? Because Allah is the Most Just, and He loves His servants. That is why it does not befit Him to order victims to stay with their abusers.
Where to seek safety and protection
Running away from home can be quite scary and challenging. Where should you go? The advice is always to seek a place of safety and stability.
It becomes especially important for girls and women to seek support from religious people who want the best for them.
The outside world can be quite dangerous for those who are vulnerable. However, even girls and women have the right to run away from home if it becomes unbearable due to physical abuse, mental abuse, or sexual abuse.
It is allowed for boys, girls, men, and women to leave home when this would safeguard them from further abuse.
Look to move in with family members you trust, close friends who are religious, student accommodation, or refuge housing. If you are a minor, you can always contact child protection services, and they will help you find a suitable place where you can feel safe and protected.
Do not fall into the trap of trusting people easily, as that could be dangerous and very risky. If you truly want to protect yourself, then seek out reliable places, away from people who might bring you harm.
Even if you feel drawn to dangerous situations because they feel familiar—like your home life—know that Allah does not protect those who do not seek His protection. The last thing you want is to become homeless and end up living on the streets.
Muslims should encourage one another to do what is best, even in difficult situations such as running away from home.
There are good and safe options you can take if living at home becomes unbearable due to severe abuse, especially when it has been going on for many years. So do not feel disheartened—there is a way out that can safeguard you.
Relationship with parents after running away
For a person, running away from home—away from their parents—can be quite a difficult step to take. You might leave behind siblings or personal belongings.
So what should you do regarding the familial bond with your parents? Should you remain in contact with them, or can you cut off communication?
It only becomes permissible to run away from home when your health and well-being are being seriously harmed through abuse.
When that is the case, you can leave home without informing anyone of your decision. Sometimes, it is even better not to share your plans, as telling others might create unnecessary obstacles that prevent you from saving yourself.
Once you are in a safe place, away from the abusive home environment, you can choose to either stay in regular contact with your parents and siblings or minimize it.
There is also the option to cut ties completely, but this only applies to abusive parents who leave you deeply traumatized. In such cases, it is permissible to move on with your life and never look back.
These extreme cases may include sexual abuse, severe physical torture, extreme betrayal of trust, or severe emotional and physical neglect.
In other cases—such as having a controlling, difficult, and toxic parent that does not cause deep trauma—you are still obliged to maintain contact, even if only minimal.
The one who severs ties with their parents without having endured severe trauma commits a major sin in Islam. Allah is displeased with such a person, and they will face hardship both in this life and the next.
You should reach out to your parents from time to time, as long as it remains reasonable based on your situation and the bond you share with them. This can be once a week, for example. However, contacting them only once a month would not be considered reasonable in most cases.