Sleeping seperately after a fight
After an argument, various things can happen: ignoring each other, having nasty exchanges, and sleeping separately.
According to Islam, it is not permissible to refuse to share the bed at every argument or conflict that the partners have. Some men even refuse to be intimate without an argument, and that is an even greater form of injustice.
This problem of sleeping separately after a fight is unfortunately one of the most common marital problems. It causes unrest and damage within the marriage when this becomes a pattern.
So, when is it allowed or forbidden to sleep separately after an argument?
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You withhold intimacy as punishment for a mild argument or miscommunication (haram for both husband and wife).
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"When a man invites his wife to have intimacy and she refuses, and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning."
[Sahih Muslim 1436d]
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"If a man calls his wife to satisfy his need, let her come, even if she is busy at the oven."
[Sunan Tirmidhi 1160]
- There is verbal/physical abuse or emotional neglect.
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Your rights are not being fulfilled and you choose to withhold intimacy.
And if you punish, punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed. But if you are patient - it is better for those who are patient.
[16:126 Quran] - If the partner is unable to be intimate due to illness.
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The husband withholds intimacy to encourage his disobedient wife to become obedient again.
And as for those (wives) whose rebellion you fear, warn them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly). But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.
(4:34 Quran)
Withholding Intimacy after an Argument
It is understandable that both partners may not want to be intimate after a valid argument or conflict. Withholding intimacy becomes a problem when this becomes a pattern, even days after the argument.
When there is unjust behavior, Islam always rejects it. It is therefore strictly forbidden to withhold intimacy because you want to take revenge or deliberately hurt the other.
Intimacy is one of the pillars within the marriage, which should not be abused for one's own unjust purposes.
Only in the mentioned allowed moments can the partner withhold intimacy. And in no situation does one of the partners in the marriage have the right to force themselves upon the other.
Getting Support and Guidance
We understand that it can be very difficult for you to sleep separately from your partner after an argument.
When this continues and happens multiple times, it can certainly have a negative impact on your well-being and the health of your marriage.
By seeking support and guidance, you can express yourself about this problem in a safe environment. Additionally, we offer professional advice from an Islamic perspective.
Do you want to share your story and get appropriate advice to save your well-being? Then you can always contact us for Islamic counseling.